Bitter Lawyer’s Epic New Comment Policy
While comments are not necessarily important to us, we welcome them if they meet the requirements of the following Bitter Lawyer Comment Policy. A. Definitions “You” and “Your” refer to you. “Us”...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Do I Actually Own My iPod?
I forget how this came up, but in the course of a conversation about all the crap we own as a family, Max wanted to know who actually owns the iPod he received as a Christmas gift. Could I take it away...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Should I Tell the Court About My Mutton Chops?
Q I’m a lawyer in a small firm in the southeast. I’m also an aspiring actor and have been involved in the local theater since I moved here. I recently received a great part in a local production of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Realistic Alumni Notes
Arlon Jamison (’88) of Preston, Iowa, was recently recognized by United Health Group for reducing his total cholesterol level to 186, down from a previous level of 227. Gretchen Cumberland (’99) of...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Scratch-n-Sniff Letterhead for Your Law Firm
One of the more exciting things to come out of last year’s ABA Tech Show is a renewed interest in scratch-n-sniff technology. The technology peaked in 1981 with John Waters’s use of Smell-O-Vision in...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Can You Buy Land on the Moon?
Max asked this question one night when there was a full moon. I immediately said no, then told him I would check to make sure. I wasn’t exactly sure that some rogue country like North Korea had claimed...
View ArticleClik here to view.
I’m 24 and Head of the Litigation Department
Q You can say that I’ve made it in the law, but perhaps not. I graduated from a good law school in the top 10 percent of my class and shortly thereafter joined a 15+ size law firm near Los Angeles....
View ArticleClik here to view.
In Which the Artisanal Lawyer Dismisses Google
You have inquired as to why I billed 4.6 hours on the Cleburne file for “research on the issue of the population of Papua New Guinea.” It is an excellent question. This memorandum attempts to set out...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Top 3 MS-DOS Commands for Your Practice
I’m often asked about MS-DOS and why it gets such a bad rap within the legal profession. I don’t know how to answer that. It provides great granular control over your PC, something that we all strive...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Can You Ride a Bicycle Drunk?
Max often begins a question with “can you,” as in: can you ride a bicycle drunk? For the record, I’m sure you can ride a bicycle drunk but I don’t recall if I ever have. But when Max asks a question...
View ArticleClik here to view.
I Made Opposing Counsel Cry
Q I hesitate to write but I’ve received mixed responses from those around me. I am a third-year associate at a mid-size firm in Ohio, doing litigation. I don’t often get substantive work other than...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Kiss Ass Like a Twitter Pro
Today, we are excited to launch Big Legal Brain’s “Gray Matter Twitter Pro Series,” a series to help attorneys optimize Twitter and, oh, screw it. It’s complicated and technologically advanced, which...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Fixed Fee Retainer Agreement for the Slacker Set
With a growing population of slackers, particularly slackers who may soon have legal problems, significant opportunities exist to serve an oft-underserved segment of the legal market. That’s why we are...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Dad, Can I Kill a Bald Eagle in Self-Defense?
Max and I returned recently from the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness (BWCAW) in northern Minnesota, where there is a lot of wildlife to see, particularly bald eagles. As we were canoeing one...
View ArticleClik here to view.
I Need a White Elephant Gift for a Partner
Q I have to get a partner a gift for our law firm’s white elephant party. He’s a senior partner with, I’m told, not the greatest sense of humor. Should I just get a bottle of decent wine and leave it...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Dad, What’s the Penalty for Driving 400 MPH?
This is one of many hypothetical questions I get from Max. He’s excellent at embellishing facts to make them a bit ridiculous, if not impossible. But that’s what makes them fun to think about and...
View ArticleI Want a Child But I’m Worried About My Job
Q I’m in my second year as a large firm associate. My husband and I want to have a baby but I’m worried about how much it will affect my work, status, and promotion within the firm. Unfortunately, it...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Dad, How Old Do I Have to Be to Smoke Pot?
Legally, that is. This question came about over dinner as we talked about a kid at Max’s school who had been expelled for having marijuana in her locker, or so Max had heard. Being a fairly...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Consider Vinyl for Your Next Podcast Release
Podcasts have not caught fire among lawyers. Sure, there are some star legal podcasters out there that I cannot remember. Part of the problem may be the growing overproduction of podcasts, with recent...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Best Ways to Serve Booze in the Office
Our pals over at Lawyerist recently posted about the best ways to serve coffee in the office, complete with a slideshow, a $6,700 espresso maker, and a coffee menu to give to your clients while they...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Dad, Can We Own a Squirrel?
Max and August often wonder what animals they can have as pets, namely woodchucks, bears, ocelots, and squirrels. Legally. When one day they asked about taming a squirrel and bringing it home, I...
View ArticleTop 5 Doodads for a New Lawyer’s Bucket List
I get a lot of questions faxed to me about what a new lawyer should accomplish in his or her first few years of practice. With hordes of new law school graduates striking out to be lawyers and retail...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Dad, Is It Legal to Serve Raw Meat?
I think we were at Noodles & Company eating noodles and a side of meatballs when Max came up with this one. My initial reaction was, sure, if there’s a market for it. There’s steak tartare, isn’t...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Bitter Lawyer’s Quick Guide to Bitters
Once upon a time, to ask for a cocktail meant to ask for a spirit of your choice, mixed with water, sugar, and bitters. All three worked to balance and enhance the spirit lying underneath, awakening...
View ArticleClik here to view.
5 Obsolete Legal Technologies that Shouldn’t Be Obsolete
Lawyerist, which happens to be live-blogging some nerd confab in Illinois at the moment, recently admitted it doesn’t use quill pens or mimeographs anymore. More disappointingly, it came up with a...
View Article
